MF's Rule #1: On The Subject of Ladies of Low Moral Fiber

I’m going to periodically be posting something I’m calling “MF’s Rules for Living a More Fully Actualized Existence”. Not because it will be helpful to anyone but because I like to spew pseudo-wisdom. Rule #1: Avoid Ladies Of Ill-Repute. I knew a guy in the service who went UA from Okinawa to chase down a stress relief professional that he'd fallen in love with in South Korea. She'd gotten tipped off through the kimchi telegraph that he was a comin' and was able to avoid him by moving from camp to camp, one step ahead of him. The MPs caught up to him after two weeks of unsuccessful stalking and sent him back to the Rock where he lost a stripe and did two weeks in Correctional Custody, which is kind of like Brig Lite. As soon as he got out he made a mad dash back to Seoul to find his roving honey-wa. Last I heard he was in the Brig stateside awaiting the "Big Chicken Dinner", or Bad Conduct Discharge. This was a smart, well liked, level headed guy who threw it all away over a purveyor of pleasure. I think there's a blues song in there somewhere. Regardless, adhere to the Righteous Path and only date girls that your mother would approve of! It's too late for most of the rest of us.

Anybody Here Packin' Heat?

I've been reading Moanin' At Midnight, the biography of Howlin' Wolf. I'll probably write a short review when I've finished but this couldn't wait. One of Wolf's drummers, the legendary Sam Lay (who quit Wolf to join Paul Butterfield) packed a piece at gigs for a short time in 1961 to ward off jealous boyfriends and husbands of the wimmins that members of the band were defiling. Well, during a show in Chicago Lay, in the midst of a frenetic percussive outburst, inadvertently shot off one of his testicles. Unless he had the Roscoe jammed into the elastic band of his Fruit-of-the-Looms I'm not sure how this could happen. And this coming over 100 years after Jedediah Holster invented the carrying device that saved thousands of cowboys from blasting their packages off whilst roaming the range. Anyway, I haven't done the research but I feel confident declaring that Sam Lay is the only musician to ever shoot his junk off while performing.

Addendum: I've confirmed that this incident took place in 1966 and not 1961 as implied in the book (or as improperly inferred by me). Also, someone who claims to know Lay says that he (Lay) denies blowing off a rock. He says that the bullet hit him in the thigh. Without medical records or visual evidence to the contrary I will assume that the authors and editors vetted this piece of information before publication.

You'll Poke Yer Eye Out!

I decided yesterday that a completely revamped training regimen was in order. And if you’re thinking, “doesn’t he mean training regime”, then you are one of the 250 million Americans who now believe that the two words are interchangeable. They are not. Since another roughly 50 million don’t recognize either word, it leaves only a few thousand that care even slightly about something that drives me nearly insane. Regardless, the root of my problem can be traced back to the Third Reich. I know, you can say that about pretty much any problem, but hear me out. If you’ve read my previous posts you know that I do the vast majority of my practicing while driving. When my company vehicle was an ultra-plush Chevy 2500 4x4 this was not a problem. We’ve recently “upgraded” to the ubermacho Dodge Ram Bighorn Hemi SuperSucker with the optional Blitzkrieg package. The ride in these babies is so harsh that I’ve started wearing a football mouth piece just to keep from inadvertently biting off my tongue. I searched enthusiast’s message boards and found a poster, neverbeenlaid132, who said that the springs for the Blitzkrieg package were salvaged from war surplus Panzer tanks and had actually been used in the Blitz! As this was posted on an internet message board I assume it is fairly accurate.

But fast forward to yesterday, Labor Day. I had to work at a remote location which required an 85 mile round trip. I packed my C harp, my jamming buddy and hit the road. At roughly mile 23, while working on a glissando, I hit a small bump which caused me to poke myself in the eye with my harp. Before I could even utter a "son of a….", I hit another bump and rammed the harp up my nose. Forensic evidence taken from the harp afterwards shows that it traveled at least 3 inches into my nasal cavity. Another inch and it would have lodged in my cranium. So, that’s it for movable practice sessions. From now on I’m a stationary man.

*Some of information and events in this post are fictional. Things that are absolutely true:

Regimen and regime are not synonyms. If you have a dictionary that suggests that they are, it is descriptive and not prescriptive. Meaning: It is a catalogue of the language only and takes no stance on proper usage.

We used to have Chevys. Now we have Dodges which get really lousy gas mileage and are not conducive to mobile harp practice.

I did poke myself in the eye with my harp while driving yesterday. I did not jam the harp 3 inches into my nose, but the corner did break the plane of the nostril.

A Little Spring Cleaning

If you’ve been practicing diligently over the last few months it’s probably time for some basic harp maintenance. Even if you are pathologically obsessed with dental hygiene, your harp has, sadly, accumulated a significant amount of oral detritus. Do not think about that too much and no matter what, don’t allow a mental picture to be created because it will be with you always. But, do you think Little Walter had decaying chunks of brats, collards and hush puppies gumming up his reeds? Yeah, he probably did, but you’re not Little Walter. You need a clean machine in order to achieve the golden tone.

So, if you’ve got a plastic comb harp, time to break out the Windex! Yup, Windex. Pour about 5 fingers of the ol’ blue tornado into a translucent glass and drop your harp right in. I like glass so I can see the results of the ammonia bath. Let stand for about 20 minutes. When done, and this is important, do not pour the Windex back into the bottle! You don’t want to be wiping last week’s value meal all over your windows. Thoroughly rinse your harp before use unless you like the taste of window cleaner. Repeat every few months or an often as needed. Sticky reeds are a good indicator.

You’ve got a wood comb harp? Completely dismantle the harp. Take the comb and grind it down on Dad’s old belt sander. Take the cover plates, reed plates and screws and set them aside for the day that you become a custom harp tech. Through away the comb and buy a new harp.

No 3 Draw? No Blues

Here’s the hard truth when it comes to playing cross-harp blues: If you don’t have a solid 3 hole draw in your arsenal you’ll never really be any good. But first let’s define our terms, or phrases.
Cross-Harp – Playing the harmonica in a key other than the key stamped on the harmonica. This applies, then, to 2nd through 12th positions. But cross-harp is almost always associated with 2nd position. And since that’s mainly what you’ll be playing if want to be a blues player it works out just fine for us. *3rd and 5th positions (tonic notes on the 4 draw and 2 blow respectively) are also used for minor blues and give your playing a haunting quality.

Solid 3 Hole Draw – The ability to accurately and cleanly transition to all of the available notes during a song.

The 3 draw has 4 distinct notes available. On a C harp they are: B (root), B flat (1/2 step bend), A (full step bend) and A flat (1 and ½ step bend). For a good tutorial on the mechanics of bending the 3 draw follow the link below:
http://www.harmonicaclub.com/common/note_bending_for_harmonica.htm

You probably won’t use the A flat very often but B, B flat and A are used all the time. (From what I’ve been told this is true for all harp keys in 2nd position. The tonic, ½ and full step bend are the money notes). When initially learning to bend the 3 draw you will invariably start at the tonic at work your way down until you find the 4 notes. Or you might start at the bottom and work up. This is really the only logical way to start out. But you will need to get to the point where you can hit that ½ step or full step bend when sliding up, or down, during a run. If you have to start at the tonic and bend down you’re not playing the tune. There is no easy way to get to this level of proficiency. You’re going to have to practice, properly, until you get to the point where muscle memory takes over. You’ll need patience, a lot of sweat equity and a chromatic tuner. Korg has a good one for around $20. Fire that baby up and just work on hitting that B flat clean. When you can do that seamlessly go to the A. After that slide up from 2 draw to the B flat or the A until you can do it without conscience effort. At some point you’ll realize that you don’t need the tuner because your ear has become tuned to those notes. Keep blowing and don’t get discouraged. If it were easy it would have no value.

Corrections, Retractions, Conclusions & A Little on Economics 101

Okay, I've gone through all of my previous posts and my overriding assessment is: Not bad at all. Aside from a few punctuation errors and inaccurate verb tenses there's not much that is worth rewriting. But I would to like conclude my piece on the Chicago Tool Box from Fender.

When last we checked I was preparing to return my second case to Harp Depot due to the same serious and inexcusable manufacturing defects that the first case had. Richard, as he was fresh out of CTBs, agreed to send me a Mississippi Sax Case instead. This is just a CTB with a beige color scheme. When it arrived and had defects identical to the first two I was, to put it mildly, slightly verklempt. I was ready to consume a gallon of green Gatorade, drive to Fairhaven Memorial in Santa Ana and void my bladder on the grave of Leo Fender. You'll be happy to know that I decided against this course of action. Even a quick and simple calculation told me that there was no way that I could make the roughly 50 mile drive and maintain bladder integrity after downing 128 oz. of the green monster . I envisioned a splashy accident near the outskirts of Anaheim. So I called Richard and calmly told him that I would be returning yet another harp case and that, no, I would not be requiring a fourth. I have my limits, apparently. I've lost the shipping receipts but I estimate that it cost me $30 to find out that Fender quality control was an oxymoron.

Econ 101
Harp prices have gone up significantly since last year. Hohner Spec 20s, which used be around $18, now sell for $27 plus. I no longer think you can get a good quality, mass produced harp for under $30, with tax and shipping. The Spec 20, Lee Oskar Major and Bushman Delta Frost are all very good harps and are all, at least for now, at the same price point.

Back In The Saddle

I know, it's been almost a year since my last post. In my defense I've always been lazy. But a lot has happened harpwise in the last year and it's probably time to start getting it down on virtual paper. I think I'll begin by culling my old posts for inaccuracies and faulty conclusions and set them straight so I can move on with a clear conscience. I've learned quite a bit since I stopped posting, most of which could be filed under "didn't have enough info to construct a well-formed opinion but didn't let that get in my way." Saddle up!